Summer 2012

What comes to your mind when you think about summer?  If any of the following words rolled off your tongue - beach, surfing, vacation, sunburn - you are WRONG!  (Okay, sunburn is technically correct, especially if you are pale pale pale like me).

No, my little penguins, the correct answer is:

Season 9 of SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE!

I will be the first to admit that this season will be difficult for me as it will not include last season's champion Melanie.  'Cause, you know, she already won.  However I would like to suggest to Nigel Lythgoe that he bring her back every week to perform a solo just so that we can once again have our regular dose of beauty, technique, storytelling and heart in the petite package that is Melanie.  (Yes, I have two crushes on her - a girl crush and a dancer crush).

Let me also come right out and proclaim myself a dance snob.  As a former dancer I have the right to be so and will brook no dissent. With the preliminaries out of the way, let's begin!

This year the producers decide to start things off by dissing all the singing competitions that clog the airwaves and asking the viewers at home if they aren't ready for some DANCE.  I love me a good singer on those shows (hi, Kelly Clarkson and Adam Lambert), but yes, ready for dance am I.

Cat Deeley (Cat!) gets things under way by taking us to the NYC auditions.  The delightful Ms. Deeley introduces our "jiiidges" - Nigel (our favorite pervy Brit), Mary (hopefully screaming less this year) and Tyce (ugh. gross). 

Up first is 18 year old Amelia Lowe, which rhymes with Clara Bow, whom perhaps Amelia is trying to channel.  She's all about the 1920s and while adorable, the montage the producers decided to give her goes on a biiiit too long.  C'est la vie.  All is forgiven when she starts dancing - to Edith Piaf singing Rien de Rien no less!  It's a great choice, and one of the few times I can recall listening to Madame Piaf and not wanting to stick a hot poker in my ear.  She does what the best contestants on this show do - she tells a story with her body.  There is a narrative here and while each person watching may interpret it differently, a story is being told and that's lovely to watch in such a young dancer.  She embodies the music beautifully, has technique to spare and uses the space incredibly well.  She's the full package and the judges know it because they give her a standing O!  Way to set the bar high, Amelia Bedelia - well done. Vegas!

Up next is Japan's version of Carrot Top - from the video intro I can't tell if he annoys me or not.  I need more time with him, one Toshihiko Nakasawa.  He does a hip-hop locking routine and it's great but now instead of seeing Carrot Top all I can picture is a Japanese Raggedy Andy doll.  Creative use of music? Check.  Charisma? Check.  But I'm not sure what it all adds up to in the end.  Methinks I'd be a valuable member of the judging panel because they seem to agree and ask him to stick around for choreography to see what else he can do.  That's fair. 

Oh dear. Austin Freeman, 21.  I hate him already.  He's doing a dance that he invented (of course) called "Mr. Wiggles."  Um... I'm sorry to break it to him but that "dance" was actually invented by toddlers everywhere.  It's called "shaking your butt around."  Apropos really, as all Austin resembles is an irritating toddler being encouraged by a group of adults.  We get it, producers - you have to (read: want to) show us the weirdos, but please don't waste any more time on this guy.  Alas, the producers do not hear me yelling at my TV as Nigel & Co. ask him about himself.  He wants to be a celebrity.  God help us.  He dances to "I'm Sexy And I Know It" which causes the following reactions: Mary laughs, Nigel stops the music and Tyce says it made him sad.  And for once I don't want to punch Tyce in the face as I completely agree with him.

Shafeek Westbrook (oh boy, I hope I didn't mangle the spelling of his name!) is a street performer who likes to flip over things.  He does a smart breaking routine to a violin piece and for the second time this episode we see someone who knows how to use music.  He's charismatic and Nigel praises his originality.  Vegas.

Japanese Raggedy Andy struggles in the choreography round and says he'll see us next time.  That's too bad - he kind of grew on me.

Day 2 brings Leo Reyes whom I want to scoop up in my arms even before I hear his awful story about discovering his mother after she'd swallowed a bottle of pills.  She survived - he kept telling her she couldn't die because she hadn't seen him dance onstage yet.  My heart just broke into a thousand tiny pieces.  This kid.  Boy I hope he's good.

He is!  He does a lovely pirouette a la seconde and while the song choice is way too obvious, he's through to Vegas!

Then a montage of bad dancers including one whom Tyce labels as "filthy."  I like it when Tyce is upset.

Chelon Wespi-Tschoop is next and if you haven't seen the episode I'll pay you $1,000 if you can tell me what country he's from.**  He's a gorgeous ballet dancer who performs to a rock song - an idea I love.  Ballet being my favorite of all favorites, I always get excited to see the ballet dancers show up.  Chelon is handsome and humble and he's through to Vegas, obviously.

38 dancers from NYC got tix to Vegas and we, the viewing audience, are rewarded with a montage of Cat celebrating with the contestants who made it through the choreography round.  She's so genuinely happy for each of them.  Cat, will you be my best friend?  We can talk about boys and paint our toenails and braid each other's hair.  Well... my hair is short but I'll braid your hair and you can pick out all my clothes because you have great style.

Now we're on to Dallas and joining Nigel and Mary is linguistically inventive Lil' C!  Yay for two reasons: 1) Lil' C is BUCK and 2) no Tyce!

Bree Hafen, 29, is first.  Here's what you need to know:  she's got two painfully adorable children whom Nigel seats in his judge's chair so they can watch mommy from a better vantage point.  She's a lovely dancer and her son shouts out "I love you" while she's dancing and my heart melts.  As she is still performing Nigel hands her son a ticket to Vegas and he walks up onstage to hand it to her.  She envelopes him and it's so warm and happy and I'm crying.  And then, when it can't possibly get even cuter, Bree's 2 year old daughter, Stella, starts dancing and it's already clear that this child will be a dancer just like her mother.  If the whole thing were any sweeter I would get a cavity.  As it is, it remains safely on the side of "awwwww" and does not head into "all right, enough" territory.

What comes next is the antithesis of Bree and her blond moppets of cuteness.  Two male dancers (and I use the term loosely), one of whom is a Zombie and the other who does "exorcist style" dancing.  One or both of them might be seriously disturbed.  Let's find out.

Zombie, aka Stephen, is first and he's better than I thought he'd be. Popping, locking, the judges are entertained, Lil' C looooves him and he's through to Vegas.  And now...

Exorcist - whose name I do not know, nor do I care to know, claims that he takes people's souls while he dances and then when finished, he returns said souls, cleansed.  Sigh.  I'm tired already.  He begins - there's a little bit of popping and a lot of crawling across the floor as sad music plays.  Mary looks moved (oh, Mary), the other dancers start applauding and the judges give him a standing O.  Nigel says he's an artist and "could be a genius."  He is through to Vegas and I call big, fat bullshit!  He crawled on the floor.  Why didn't they make him go through to choreography?  Because he's good TV, that's why.  Mark my words, it's the song that got him through. ("My Immortal" by Evanescence for the curious among you).  I could spit I'm so irritated.

After day one in Dallas 10 dancers are going to Vegas and Cat is sporting an adorable side braid.

Day two in the Lone Star State starts with Daniel Baker, 25, from Australia who currently dances with the San Francisco Ballet.  The women in the audience are shrieking because he's quite nice to look at.  And there's the small, insignificant fact that his technique is SICK. His grande jetes are stunning.  (You'll have to forgive my lack of appropriate accent marks - it pains me but I don't know how to insert them on this blog post.  I shall learn).  In any case, the judges half-heartedly try to fake him out but everyone knows that he's straight through to Vegas.

Sam Sheffler is next and I'm concerned for him.  He falls somewhere on the autism spectrum and while it's clear that he's not got the dance ability for this competition, he loves it as it allows him a way to express himself.  He's darling and I want to hug him.  He gets the dancers in the audience to do his "ocean" arm move and it's very heartwarming.  Oh, creative people - I love you.  You are generous, good-hearted creatures.

Except for the asshat we encounter next.  I won't waste a lot of space on him except to say that he openly dismisses the show (while allowing himself to be filmed wearing his hamster outfit, naturally). Cat is not having any of it.  Her response to his statement that he doesn't care if he gets cut is "Good, 'cause I pretty much guarantee you will be."  This is another reason why we love her.  Anywho, he's rude, he can't dance and Nigel tells him to fuck right off.

At the end of day two we come to Jarrelle Rochelle whom I adore. Great smile, open face and he's wearing suspenders (braces, if you're an Anglophile like me) so he already gets lots of points from me.  His mother is slowly going blind so Nigel beckons mom to sit in his seat so she can see her son better.  Oh, reality television... how you manipulate my emotions!  It works, I am teary and then Nigel pipes up with "Don't drink my water, it's vodka."  Brilliant.

Jarrelle is terrific and his mother's face is FILLED with pride and joy - she could light up the entire theatre, so brightly is she beaming at her boy.  Nigel tells her to walk up onstage and hand her son his ticket to Vegas and I am hugging my pillow tightly, overcome at the display of maternal pride and filial gratitude.

Thank you, show.

Next week, Los Angeles auditions!  How messy-adorable will Cat's hair be?  How many looney fame hogs will the show feature over actual dancers who can dance?  Who will join Mary and Nigel on the panel?  It's so exciting I have to do some plies to relax before I go to bed.

ps: Prediction for this season: someone will choreograph a piece to that song "Cough Syrup" by Young the Giant.  It will most likely be Mandy Moore and therefore far too literal with the dancers carrying huge prop bottles of NyQuil.

** = Not really.  And... Switzerland.