I cannot believe I'm about to type these words but I must confess to it - I'm watching The Bachelorette.
I know, I know. The show is gross and icky and weird. Yet here I sit.
All I can say is:
Emily, thank GOODNESS you sent Ryan home. That asshole was insufferable and I haven't watched a single episode before tonight.
Stay tuned for my recap of episodes 3 and 4 of So You Think You Can Dance.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
LA LA LAND!
We’re in LA this week as the audition tour continues. Cat dances enthusiastically with contestants waiting to audition. (She makes her hosting job look so easy. It’s not, really. If you don’t believe me check out Nick Lachey on NBC’s THE SING OFF. Bless his heart, he tries. But he sucks. What?! Don’t yell at me, it’s the truth).
This week Jesse Tyler Ferguson is the guest judge! Some of you might be scratching your head about this as he does not have a dance background. What he does have, however, is a theatre background and an understanding of performance, stage presence and – quite importantly – what those auditioning are going through. As an actor myself, let me tell you, never underestimate the power of empathy coming from the other side of the table. (Actually, this goes for life in general. We would all do well to have more empathy for our fellow humans these days — aforementioned smack-down of Nick Lachey notwithstanding. Thus endeth today’s lesson. Coffee and doughnuts served downstairs immediately after the service).
Mary starts things off by warning the dancers against lip syncing (um… isn’t that obvious?), and instructs them not to touch themselves inappropriately. (Again, I am moved to comment about how obvious this latter instruction seems).
Alexa Anderson is up and we are reminded that she was *this close* to being in the Top 20 last season were it not for Ryan and her similarly tousled blonde locks. Alexa’s dancing strikes me as somewhat effortful but she’s clearly got technique and power. Nigel doesn’t even want to waste time trying to fake her out – the word “VEGAS” is out of his mouth in about 5 seconds.
Jesse Tyler Ferguson sings adorably out of happiness. I want a JTF doll to carry around in my pocket.
Uh oh. Next we have Johnny “Whacks” and he’ll be… you guessed it! Whacking! Reader, do I actually have to say it? Do I?
Fine (arms crossed tightly; frowning).
Whacking is not dancing. Repeat after me: Whacking is not dancing.
Whacking is waving your arms around your head wildly while wearing lots of plaid and pretending it is 1975. That’s exactly what happens after the requisite masturbation jokes from the judges’ panel due to Nigel almost saying “wanking” instead of “whacking.” It’s all very silly and fun (for them) but it gets old pretty quickly. Johnny does his thing and while he’s got charisma he does not have dance ability. But JTF thinks he’s like a Lenny Kravitz Russian nesting doll and they put him through to choreography. Whatever.
Eliana Girard is next and… wow. This one. She attended the Joffrey School on scholarship and then studied at Alvin Ailey. Then she was cast in a Cirque du Soleil show as a dancer/aerialist which in Quebecois translates to “classy pole dancer.” Her body is ridiculous. And her dancing is…
Extraordinary. Yay!!! She considers herself a contemporary ballet dancer and her audition is so lovely to watch that I don’t take any notes. I can’t look away from my television (she earns extra points from me for dancing en pointe, my old toe shoes being one of my all time favorite possessions). She gets a standing O from the judges – deservedly so. Mary (who, when not screaming like a wild banshee has astute things to say about dance) says she was “…like an instrument playing the song with your body;” Nigel praises her emotionality and Jesse compares her to Melanie!! And while Eliana’s audition did not move me to tears like Melanie did last season, I agree with JTF that she has all the qualities that made Melanie such a joy to watch: musicality, gorgeous, flawless technique and emotional investment. She’s the real deal. Vegas, natch.
And now we will waste the audience’s time with twins – Nick and James – who are 32 years old and therefore too old to compete. But they are flamboyant and funny so clearly we must showcase them! They go by the moniker The Ninja Twins and liken themselves to “Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie – but broke.” They think they are hilarious and have clearly gotten used to everyone telling them as much. It doesn’t help matters that Nigel & Co. are eating it up along with the dancers waiting to audition. The only redeeming thing about this segment is that Cat is wearing a cute vintage-y looking American flag t-shirt.
They do their routine to Michael Jackson’s Man In The Mirror (see, aren’t they clever!), they do some tumbling (which, like whacking falls into the “not dancing” category), the crowd goes wild and yells “Vegas” a thousand times and Nigel tells them they are too old for the competition JUST LIKE WE KNEW HE WOULD WHEN THEY ANNOUNCED THEIR AGE. Ninja Squared seem fine with it as obviously their goal was to get on TV, rather than go through to the next round of competition. Congratulations, fame whores! Job well done.
After that complete waste of time comes Sam Lenarz, 18. She can barely get through a chit-chat with Cat without crying and upon hearing why my heart breaks into a thousand tiny bits. Six months prior her mother kicked her out, without explanation. She came home one day to find her room all packed up and was ushered out the door. Her best friend’s family took her in and while she feels part of that family, the pain of her mother’s betrayal is practically leaking out of this poor girl’s pores. The fact that she is standing upright, let alone auditioning, at the tender age of 18 speaks volumes about the strength she’s got.
Her lines are beautiful and she has a lovely vulnerable quality. Nigel suggests that she tell more of a story rather than go from one move to another and while he has a point, it’s clear that she is a terrific dancer who should go straight through to Vegas. Lest we forget, Mr. Exorcist-Crawl-On-The-Floor guy got a ticket to Vegas so obviously she will too.
Nope! After telling her how amazing she is and asking after her family situation (I smell you, producers), they put her through to choreography. Okay, I get it. We, the viewing audience have come to care about her and in order to keep the stakes high and our eyes glued to the screen, they will tease us with the possibility that she won’t make it through the choreography round. It’s a cynical ploy at the expense of a wounded, brave girl and it makes me angry.
(SPOILER ALERT)
She goes through to Vegas. OF COURSE SHE DOES, I scream at my television, BECAUSE SHE IS A VERY TALENTED DANCER.
Next we spend some time with a few dancers who ultimately don’t make it through the choreography round so you don’t need me to tell you anything about them, right? You do? Okaaaaaay. There’s a moustachioed tap dancer, a circus performer who moves around and inside a steel wheel, and an arrogant Italian guy who auditioned before and has gone through an attitude adjustment. So he says. None of them pass choreography. Boo hoo.
Megan Branch, 18, a tiny, feisty thing with great energy and style goes straight to Vegas as does Cole Horibe who trained in martial arts before dancing. His piece is original and I’m intrigued by all the martial arts elements he included. But did he do enough dancing? Apparently so because after confirming that he has experience in other styles of dance (including ballroom!), he’s through to Vegas. I’m glad of this as it gives me another opportunity to look at his cheekbones and his stunning body.
Steven Jacobson. Oh, Steven. What a dummy this guy is. He’s a trained ballet dancer who threw his audition together “at the last minute.” Never a good idea. Also not a good idea? Doing a piece that basically mocks ballet ‘cause you think you’re being funny and original when in fact, you just look like an idiot jumping around to a song from the ‘60s. Nigel turns red and calls his performance “juvenile.” This guy dances with the Cincinnati Ballet – what is he doing pretending he can’t dance at all? Why mock your own ability?
We don’t learn why as Nigel insists he perform something else. They cue up some music aaaaaand there we go! He’s got glorious form and is clearly gifted. He gets a ticket to Vegas and nearly gets punched by Nigel. That would have been hilarious! Can you imagine if Nigel had gotten so irate he just hauled off and popped him one in the face?
No, no, that’s not funny. Violence is not funny. (Imagining Nigel trying to punch someone IS funny).
We end the evening on Jasmine Mason and her brother Marshea Kidd. Bottom line – they are wonderful and both are through to Vegas.
Oh, wait. Did I leave something out? Ah yes, that would be the fact that six weeks prior to the auditions they were involved in a head on collision which resulted in Marshea being pronounced DOA at the hospital, then being revived and in a coma for 2 days. And now he’s dancing. 6 weeks later. Sure, the producers milk the situation for all the drama it’s worth but hey, I can’t blame them. He was in a COMA and a few weeks later he’s like “I think I’ll just execute some stunning choreography and show off my technique, y’all don’t mind, do you?”
No, Marshea, we don’t mind. We applaud you.
Next week = Atlanta. And Debbie Allen as guest judge!
This week Jesse Tyler Ferguson is the guest judge! Some of you might be scratching your head about this as he does not have a dance background. What he does have, however, is a theatre background and an understanding of performance, stage presence and – quite importantly – what those auditioning are going through. As an actor myself, let me tell you, never underestimate the power of empathy coming from the other side of the table. (Actually, this goes for life in general. We would all do well to have more empathy for our fellow humans these days — aforementioned smack-down of Nick Lachey notwithstanding. Thus endeth today’s lesson. Coffee and doughnuts served downstairs immediately after the service).
Mary starts things off by warning the dancers against lip syncing (um… isn’t that obvious?), and instructs them not to touch themselves inappropriately. (Again, I am moved to comment about how obvious this latter instruction seems).
Alexa Anderson is up and we are reminded that she was *this close* to being in the Top 20 last season were it not for Ryan and her similarly tousled blonde locks. Alexa’s dancing strikes me as somewhat effortful but she’s clearly got technique and power. Nigel doesn’t even want to waste time trying to fake her out – the word “VEGAS” is out of his mouth in about 5 seconds.
Jesse Tyler Ferguson sings adorably out of happiness. I want a JTF doll to carry around in my pocket.
Uh oh. Next we have Johnny “Whacks” and he’ll be… you guessed it! Whacking! Reader, do I actually have to say it? Do I?
Fine (arms crossed tightly; frowning).
Whacking is not dancing. Repeat after me: Whacking is not dancing.
Whacking is waving your arms around your head wildly while wearing lots of plaid and pretending it is 1975. That’s exactly what happens after the requisite masturbation jokes from the judges’ panel due to Nigel almost saying “wanking” instead of “whacking.” It’s all very silly and fun (for them) but it gets old pretty quickly. Johnny does his thing and while he’s got charisma he does not have dance ability. But JTF thinks he’s like a Lenny Kravitz Russian nesting doll and they put him through to choreography. Whatever.
Eliana Girard is next and… wow. This one. She attended the Joffrey School on scholarship and then studied at Alvin Ailey. Then she was cast in a Cirque du Soleil show as a dancer/aerialist which in Quebecois translates to “classy pole dancer.” Her body is ridiculous. And her dancing is…
Extraordinary. Yay!!! She considers herself a contemporary ballet dancer and her audition is so lovely to watch that I don’t take any notes. I can’t look away from my television (she earns extra points from me for dancing en pointe, my old toe shoes being one of my all time favorite possessions). She gets a standing O from the judges – deservedly so. Mary (who, when not screaming like a wild banshee has astute things to say about dance) says she was “…like an instrument playing the song with your body;” Nigel praises her emotionality and Jesse compares her to Melanie!! And while Eliana’s audition did not move me to tears like Melanie did last season, I agree with JTF that she has all the qualities that made Melanie such a joy to watch: musicality, gorgeous, flawless technique and emotional investment. She’s the real deal. Vegas, natch.
And now we will waste the audience’s time with twins – Nick and James – who are 32 years old and therefore too old to compete. But they are flamboyant and funny so clearly we must showcase them! They go by the moniker The Ninja Twins and liken themselves to “Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie – but broke.” They think they are hilarious and have clearly gotten used to everyone telling them as much. It doesn’t help matters that Nigel & Co. are eating it up along with the dancers waiting to audition. The only redeeming thing about this segment is that Cat is wearing a cute vintage-y looking American flag t-shirt.
They do their routine to Michael Jackson’s Man In The Mirror (see, aren’t they clever!), they do some tumbling (which, like whacking falls into the “not dancing” category), the crowd goes wild and yells “Vegas” a thousand times and Nigel tells them they are too old for the competition JUST LIKE WE KNEW HE WOULD WHEN THEY ANNOUNCED THEIR AGE. Ninja Squared seem fine with it as obviously their goal was to get on TV, rather than go through to the next round of competition. Congratulations, fame whores! Job well done.
After that complete waste of time comes Sam Lenarz, 18. She can barely get through a chit-chat with Cat without crying and upon hearing why my heart breaks into a thousand tiny bits. Six months prior her mother kicked her out, without explanation. She came home one day to find her room all packed up and was ushered out the door. Her best friend’s family took her in and while she feels part of that family, the pain of her mother’s betrayal is practically leaking out of this poor girl’s pores. The fact that she is standing upright, let alone auditioning, at the tender age of 18 speaks volumes about the strength she’s got.
Her lines are beautiful and she has a lovely vulnerable quality. Nigel suggests that she tell more of a story rather than go from one move to another and while he has a point, it’s clear that she is a terrific dancer who should go straight through to Vegas. Lest we forget, Mr. Exorcist-Crawl-On-The-Floor guy got a ticket to Vegas so obviously she will too.
Nope! After telling her how amazing she is and asking after her family situation (I smell you, producers), they put her through to choreography. Okay, I get it. We, the viewing audience have come to care about her and in order to keep the stakes high and our eyes glued to the screen, they will tease us with the possibility that she won’t make it through the choreography round. It’s a cynical ploy at the expense of a wounded, brave girl and it makes me angry.
(SPOILER ALERT)
She goes through to Vegas. OF COURSE SHE DOES, I scream at my television, BECAUSE SHE IS A VERY TALENTED DANCER.
Next we spend some time with a few dancers who ultimately don’t make it through the choreography round so you don’t need me to tell you anything about them, right? You do? Okaaaaaay. There’s a moustachioed tap dancer, a circus performer who moves around and inside a steel wheel, and an arrogant Italian guy who auditioned before and has gone through an attitude adjustment. So he says. None of them pass choreography. Boo hoo.
Megan Branch, 18, a tiny, feisty thing with great energy and style goes straight to Vegas as does Cole Horibe who trained in martial arts before dancing. His piece is original and I’m intrigued by all the martial arts elements he included. But did he do enough dancing? Apparently so because after confirming that he has experience in other styles of dance (including ballroom!), he’s through to Vegas. I’m glad of this as it gives me another opportunity to look at his cheekbones and his stunning body.
Steven Jacobson. Oh, Steven. What a dummy this guy is. He’s a trained ballet dancer who threw his audition together “at the last minute.” Never a good idea. Also not a good idea? Doing a piece that basically mocks ballet ‘cause you think you’re being funny and original when in fact, you just look like an idiot jumping around to a song from the ‘60s. Nigel turns red and calls his performance “juvenile.” This guy dances with the Cincinnati Ballet – what is he doing pretending he can’t dance at all? Why mock your own ability?
We don’t learn why as Nigel insists he perform something else. They cue up some music aaaaaand there we go! He’s got glorious form and is clearly gifted. He gets a ticket to Vegas and nearly gets punched by Nigel. That would have been hilarious! Can you imagine if Nigel had gotten so irate he just hauled off and popped him one in the face?
No, no, that’s not funny. Violence is not funny. (Imagining Nigel trying to punch someone IS funny).
We end the evening on Jasmine Mason and her brother Marshea Kidd. Bottom line – they are wonderful and both are through to Vegas.
Oh, wait. Did I leave something out? Ah yes, that would be the fact that six weeks prior to the auditions they were involved in a head on collision which resulted in Marshea being pronounced DOA at the hospital, then being revived and in a coma for 2 days. And now he’s dancing. 6 weeks later. Sure, the producers milk the situation for all the drama it’s worth but hey, I can’t blame them. He was in a COMA and a few weeks later he’s like “I think I’ll just execute some stunning choreography and show off my technique, y’all don’t mind, do you?”
No, Marshea, we don’t mind. We applaud you.
Next week = Atlanta. And Debbie Allen as guest judge!
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Summer 2012
What comes to your mind when you think about summer? If any of the following words rolled off your tongue - beach, surfing, vacation, sunburn - you are WRONG! (Okay, sunburn is technically correct, especially if you are pale pale pale like me).
No, my little penguins, the correct answer is:
Season 9 of SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE!
I will be the first to admit that this season will be difficult for me as it will not include last season's champion Melanie. 'Cause, you know, she already won. However I would like to suggest to Nigel Lythgoe that he bring her back every week to perform a solo just so that we can once again have our regular dose of beauty, technique, storytelling and heart in the petite package that is Melanie. (Yes, I have two crushes on her - a girl crush and a dancer crush).
Let me also come right out and proclaim myself a dance snob. As a former dancer I have the right to be so and will brook no dissent. With the preliminaries out of the way, let's begin!
This year the producers decide to start things off by dissing all the singing competitions that clog the airwaves and asking the viewers at home if they aren't ready for some DANCE. I love me a good singer on those shows (hi, Kelly Clarkson and Adam Lambert), but yes, ready for dance am I.
Cat Deeley (Cat!) gets things under way by taking us to the NYC auditions. The delightful Ms. Deeley introduces our "jiiidges" - Nigel (our favorite pervy Brit), Mary (hopefully screaming less this year) and Tyce (ugh. gross).
Up first is 18 year old Amelia Lowe, which rhymes with Clara Bow, whom perhaps Amelia is trying to channel. She's all about the 1920s and while adorable, the montage the producers decided to give her goes on a biiiit too long. C'est la vie. All is forgiven when she starts dancing - to Edith Piaf singing Rien de Rien no less! It's a great choice, and one of the few times I can recall listening to Madame Piaf and not wanting to stick a hot poker in my ear. She does what the best contestants on this show do - she tells a story with her body. There is a narrative here and while each person watching may interpret it differently, a story is being told and that's lovely to watch in such a young dancer. She embodies the music beautifully, has technique to spare and uses the space incredibly well. She's the full package and the judges know it because they give her a standing O! Way to set the bar high, Amelia Bedelia - well done. Vegas!
Up next is Japan's version of Carrot Top - from the video intro I can't tell if he annoys me or not. I need more time with him, one Toshihiko Nakasawa. He does a hip-hop locking routine and it's great but now instead of seeing Carrot Top all I can picture is a Japanese Raggedy Andy doll. Creative use of music? Check. Charisma? Check. But I'm not sure what it all adds up to in the end. Methinks I'd be a valuable member of the judging panel because they seem to agree and ask him to stick around for choreography to see what else he can do. That's fair.
Oh dear. Austin Freeman, 21. I hate him already. He's doing a dance that he invented (of course) called "Mr. Wiggles." Um... I'm sorry to break it to him but that "dance" was actually invented by toddlers everywhere. It's called "shaking your butt around." Apropos really, as all Austin resembles is an irritating toddler being encouraged by a group of adults. We get it, producers - you have to (read: want to) show us the weirdos, but please don't waste any more time on this guy. Alas, the producers do not hear me yelling at my TV as Nigel & Co. ask him about himself. He wants to be a celebrity. God help us. He dances to "I'm Sexy And I Know It" which causes the following reactions: Mary laughs, Nigel stops the music and Tyce says it made him sad. And for once I don't want to punch Tyce in the face as I completely agree with him.
Shafeek Westbrook (oh boy, I hope I didn't mangle the spelling of his name!) is a street performer who likes to flip over things. He does a smart breaking routine to a violin piece and for the second time this episode we see someone who knows how to use music. He's charismatic and Nigel praises his originality. Vegas.
Japanese Raggedy Andy struggles in the choreography round and says he'll see us next time. That's too bad - he kind of grew on me.
Day 2 brings Leo Reyes whom I want to scoop up in my arms even before I hear his awful story about discovering his mother after she'd swallowed a bottle of pills. She survived - he kept telling her she couldn't die because she hadn't seen him dance onstage yet. My heart just broke into a thousand tiny pieces. This kid. Boy I hope he's good.
He is! He does a lovely pirouette a la seconde and while the song choice is way too obvious, he's through to Vegas!
Then a montage of bad dancers including one whom Tyce labels as "filthy." I like it when Tyce is upset.
Chelon Wespi-Tschoop is next and if you haven't seen the episode I'll pay you $1,000 if you can tell me what country he's from.** He's a gorgeous ballet dancer who performs to a rock song - an idea I love. Ballet being my favorite of all favorites, I always get excited to see the ballet dancers show up. Chelon is handsome and humble and he's through to Vegas, obviously.
38 dancers from NYC got tix to Vegas and we, the viewing audience, are rewarded with a montage of Cat celebrating with the contestants who made it through the choreography round. She's so genuinely happy for each of them. Cat, will you be my best friend? We can talk about boys and paint our toenails and braid each other's hair. Well... my hair is short but I'll braid your hair and you can pick out all my clothes because you have great style.
Now we're on to Dallas and joining Nigel and Mary is linguistically inventive Lil' C! Yay for two reasons: 1) Lil' C is BUCK and 2) no Tyce!
Bree Hafen, 29, is first. Here's what you need to know: she's got two painfully adorable children whom Nigel seats in his judge's chair so they can watch mommy from a better vantage point. She's a lovely dancer and her son shouts out "I love you" while she's dancing and my heart melts. As she is still performing Nigel hands her son a ticket to Vegas and he walks up onstage to hand it to her. She envelopes him and it's so warm and happy and I'm crying. And then, when it can't possibly get even cuter, Bree's 2 year old daughter, Stella, starts dancing and it's already clear that this child will be a dancer just like her mother. If the whole thing were any sweeter I would get a cavity. As it is, it remains safely on the side of "awwwww" and does not head into "all right, enough" territory.
What comes next is the antithesis of Bree and her blond moppets of cuteness. Two male dancers (and I use the term loosely), one of whom is a Zombie and the other who does "exorcist style" dancing. One or both of them might be seriously disturbed. Let's find out.
Zombie, aka Stephen, is first and he's better than I thought he'd be. Popping, locking, the judges are entertained, Lil' C looooves him and he's through to Vegas. And now...
Exorcist - whose name I do not know, nor do I care to know, claims that he takes people's souls while he dances and then when finished, he returns said souls, cleansed. Sigh. I'm tired already. He begins - there's a little bit of popping and a lot of crawling across the floor as sad music plays. Mary looks moved (oh, Mary), the other dancers start applauding and the judges give him a standing O. Nigel says he's an artist and "could be a genius." He is through to Vegas and I call big, fat bullshit! He crawled on the floor. Why didn't they make him go through to choreography? Because he's good TV, that's why. Mark my words, it's the song that got him through. ("My Immortal" by Evanescence for the curious among you). I could spit I'm so irritated.
After day one in Dallas 10 dancers are going to Vegas and Cat is sporting an adorable side braid.
Day two in the Lone Star State starts with Daniel Baker, 25, from Australia who currently dances with the San Francisco Ballet. The women in the audience are shrieking because he's quite nice to look at. And there's the small, insignificant fact that his technique is SICK. His grande jetes are stunning. (You'll have to forgive my lack of appropriate accent marks - it pains me but I don't know how to insert them on this blog post. I shall learn). In any case, the judges half-heartedly try to fake him out but everyone knows that he's straight through to Vegas.
Sam Sheffler is next and I'm concerned for him. He falls somewhere on the autism spectrum and while it's clear that he's not got the dance ability for this competition, he loves it as it allows him a way to express himself. He's darling and I want to hug him. He gets the dancers in the audience to do his "ocean" arm move and it's very heartwarming. Oh, creative people - I love you. You are generous, good-hearted creatures.
Except for the asshat we encounter next. I won't waste a lot of space on him except to say that he openly dismisses the show (while allowing himself to be filmed wearing his hamster outfit, naturally). Cat is not having any of it. Her response to his statement that he doesn't care if he gets cut is "Good, 'cause I pretty much guarantee you will be." This is another reason why we love her. Anywho, he's rude, he can't dance and Nigel tells him to fuck right off.
At the end of day two we come to Jarrelle Rochelle whom I adore. Great smile, open face and he's wearing suspenders (braces, if you're an Anglophile like me) so he already gets lots of points from me. His mother is slowly going blind so Nigel beckons mom to sit in his seat so she can see her son better. Oh, reality television... how you manipulate my emotions! It works, I am teary and then Nigel pipes up with "Don't drink my water, it's vodka." Brilliant.
Jarrelle is terrific and his mother's face is FILLED with pride and joy - she could light up the entire theatre, so brightly is she beaming at her boy. Nigel tells her to walk up onstage and hand her son his ticket to Vegas and I am hugging my pillow tightly, overcome at the display of maternal pride and filial gratitude.
Thank you, show.
Next week, Los Angeles auditions! How messy-adorable will Cat's hair be? How many looney fame hogs will the show feature over actual dancers who can dance? Who will join Mary and Nigel on the panel? It's so exciting I have to do some plies to relax before I go to bed.
ps: Prediction for this season: someone will choreograph a piece to that song "Cough Syrup" by Young the Giant. It will most likely be Mandy Moore and therefore far too literal with the dancers carrying huge prop bottles of NyQuil.
** = Not really. And... Switzerland.
No, my little penguins, the correct answer is:
Season 9 of SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE!
I will be the first to admit that this season will be difficult for me as it will not include last season's champion Melanie. 'Cause, you know, she already won. However I would like to suggest to Nigel Lythgoe that he bring her back every week to perform a solo just so that we can once again have our regular dose of beauty, technique, storytelling and heart in the petite package that is Melanie. (Yes, I have two crushes on her - a girl crush and a dancer crush).
Let me also come right out and proclaim myself a dance snob. As a former dancer I have the right to be so and will brook no dissent. With the preliminaries out of the way, let's begin!
This year the producers decide to start things off by dissing all the singing competitions that clog the airwaves and asking the viewers at home if they aren't ready for some DANCE. I love me a good singer on those shows (hi, Kelly Clarkson and Adam Lambert), but yes, ready for dance am I.
Cat Deeley (Cat!) gets things under way by taking us to the NYC auditions. The delightful Ms. Deeley introduces our "jiiidges" - Nigel (our favorite pervy Brit), Mary (hopefully screaming less this year) and Tyce (ugh. gross).
Up first is 18 year old Amelia Lowe, which rhymes with Clara Bow, whom perhaps Amelia is trying to channel. She's all about the 1920s and while adorable, the montage the producers decided to give her goes on a biiiit too long. C'est la vie. All is forgiven when she starts dancing - to Edith Piaf singing Rien de Rien no less! It's a great choice, and one of the few times I can recall listening to Madame Piaf and not wanting to stick a hot poker in my ear. She does what the best contestants on this show do - she tells a story with her body. There is a narrative here and while each person watching may interpret it differently, a story is being told and that's lovely to watch in such a young dancer. She embodies the music beautifully, has technique to spare and uses the space incredibly well. She's the full package and the judges know it because they give her a standing O! Way to set the bar high, Amelia Bedelia - well done. Vegas!
Up next is Japan's version of Carrot Top - from the video intro I can't tell if he annoys me or not. I need more time with him, one Toshihiko Nakasawa. He does a hip-hop locking routine and it's great but now instead of seeing Carrot Top all I can picture is a Japanese Raggedy Andy doll. Creative use of music? Check. Charisma? Check. But I'm not sure what it all adds up to in the end. Methinks I'd be a valuable member of the judging panel because they seem to agree and ask him to stick around for choreography to see what else he can do. That's fair.
Oh dear. Austin Freeman, 21. I hate him already. He's doing a dance that he invented (of course) called "Mr. Wiggles." Um... I'm sorry to break it to him but that "dance" was actually invented by toddlers everywhere. It's called "shaking your butt around." Apropos really, as all Austin resembles is an irritating toddler being encouraged by a group of adults. We get it, producers - you have to (read: want to) show us the weirdos, but please don't waste any more time on this guy. Alas, the producers do not hear me yelling at my TV as Nigel & Co. ask him about himself. He wants to be a celebrity. God help us. He dances to "I'm Sexy And I Know It" which causes the following reactions: Mary laughs, Nigel stops the music and Tyce says it made him sad. And for once I don't want to punch Tyce in the face as I completely agree with him.
Shafeek Westbrook (oh boy, I hope I didn't mangle the spelling of his name!) is a street performer who likes to flip over things. He does a smart breaking routine to a violin piece and for the second time this episode we see someone who knows how to use music. He's charismatic and Nigel praises his originality. Vegas.
Japanese Raggedy Andy struggles in the choreography round and says he'll see us next time. That's too bad - he kind of grew on me.
Day 2 brings Leo Reyes whom I want to scoop up in my arms even before I hear his awful story about discovering his mother after she'd swallowed a bottle of pills. She survived - he kept telling her she couldn't die because she hadn't seen him dance onstage yet. My heart just broke into a thousand tiny pieces. This kid. Boy I hope he's good.
He is! He does a lovely pirouette a la seconde and while the song choice is way too obvious, he's through to Vegas!
Then a montage of bad dancers including one whom Tyce labels as "filthy." I like it when Tyce is upset.
Chelon Wespi-Tschoop is next and if you haven't seen the episode I'll pay you $1,000 if you can tell me what country he's from.** He's a gorgeous ballet dancer who performs to a rock song - an idea I love. Ballet being my favorite of all favorites, I always get excited to see the ballet dancers show up. Chelon is handsome and humble and he's through to Vegas, obviously.
38 dancers from NYC got tix to Vegas and we, the viewing audience, are rewarded with a montage of Cat celebrating with the contestants who made it through the choreography round. She's so genuinely happy for each of them. Cat, will you be my best friend? We can talk about boys and paint our toenails and braid each other's hair. Well... my hair is short but I'll braid your hair and you can pick out all my clothes because you have great style.
Now we're on to Dallas and joining Nigel and Mary is linguistically inventive Lil' C! Yay for two reasons: 1) Lil' C is BUCK and 2) no Tyce!
Bree Hafen, 29, is first. Here's what you need to know: she's got two painfully adorable children whom Nigel seats in his judge's chair so they can watch mommy from a better vantage point. She's a lovely dancer and her son shouts out "I love you" while she's dancing and my heart melts. As she is still performing Nigel hands her son a ticket to Vegas and he walks up onstage to hand it to her. She envelopes him and it's so warm and happy and I'm crying. And then, when it can't possibly get even cuter, Bree's 2 year old daughter, Stella, starts dancing and it's already clear that this child will be a dancer just like her mother. If the whole thing were any sweeter I would get a cavity. As it is, it remains safely on the side of "awwwww" and does not head into "all right, enough" territory.
What comes next is the antithesis of Bree and her blond moppets of cuteness. Two male dancers (and I use the term loosely), one of whom is a Zombie and the other who does "exorcist style" dancing. One or both of them might be seriously disturbed. Let's find out.
Zombie, aka Stephen, is first and he's better than I thought he'd be. Popping, locking, the judges are entertained, Lil' C looooves him and he's through to Vegas. And now...
Exorcist - whose name I do not know, nor do I care to know, claims that he takes people's souls while he dances and then when finished, he returns said souls, cleansed. Sigh. I'm tired already. He begins - there's a little bit of popping and a lot of crawling across the floor as sad music plays. Mary looks moved (oh, Mary), the other dancers start applauding and the judges give him a standing O. Nigel says he's an artist and "could be a genius." He is through to Vegas and I call big, fat bullshit! He crawled on the floor. Why didn't they make him go through to choreography? Because he's good TV, that's why. Mark my words, it's the song that got him through. ("My Immortal" by Evanescence for the curious among you). I could spit I'm so irritated.
After day one in Dallas 10 dancers are going to Vegas and Cat is sporting an adorable side braid.
Day two in the Lone Star State starts with Daniel Baker, 25, from Australia who currently dances with the San Francisco Ballet. The women in the audience are shrieking because he's quite nice to look at. And there's the small, insignificant fact that his technique is SICK. His grande jetes are stunning. (You'll have to forgive my lack of appropriate accent marks - it pains me but I don't know how to insert them on this blog post. I shall learn). In any case, the judges half-heartedly try to fake him out but everyone knows that he's straight through to Vegas.
Sam Sheffler is next and I'm concerned for him. He falls somewhere on the autism spectrum and while it's clear that he's not got the dance ability for this competition, he loves it as it allows him a way to express himself. He's darling and I want to hug him. He gets the dancers in the audience to do his "ocean" arm move and it's very heartwarming. Oh, creative people - I love you. You are generous, good-hearted creatures.
Except for the asshat we encounter next. I won't waste a lot of space on him except to say that he openly dismisses the show (while allowing himself to be filmed wearing his hamster outfit, naturally). Cat is not having any of it. Her response to his statement that he doesn't care if he gets cut is "Good, 'cause I pretty much guarantee you will be." This is another reason why we love her. Anywho, he's rude, he can't dance and Nigel tells him to fuck right off.
At the end of day two we come to Jarrelle Rochelle whom I adore. Great smile, open face and he's wearing suspenders (braces, if you're an Anglophile like me) so he already gets lots of points from me. His mother is slowly going blind so Nigel beckons mom to sit in his seat so she can see her son better. Oh, reality television... how you manipulate my emotions! It works, I am teary and then Nigel pipes up with "Don't drink my water, it's vodka." Brilliant.
Jarrelle is terrific and his mother's face is FILLED with pride and joy - she could light up the entire theatre, so brightly is she beaming at her boy. Nigel tells her to walk up onstage and hand her son his ticket to Vegas and I am hugging my pillow tightly, overcome at the display of maternal pride and filial gratitude.
Thank you, show.
Next week, Los Angeles auditions! How messy-adorable will Cat's hair be? How many looney fame hogs will the show feature over actual dancers who can dance? Who will join Mary and Nigel on the panel? It's so exciting I have to do some plies to relax before I go to bed.
ps: Prediction for this season: someone will choreograph a piece to that song "Cough Syrup" by Young the Giant. It will most likely be Mandy Moore and therefore far too literal with the dancers carrying huge prop bottles of NyQuil.
** = Not really. And... Switzerland.
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