And then there were... Sixteen!

My ears are bleeding. That’s because Tabitha and Napoleon (choreographers of this week’s opening number) chose a Marilyn Manson song to set their piece to. There’s a lot of yelling and screaming and somewhere someone’s blood is curdling.  Oh, it's mine.  My eyes are bleeding as well because this number is a gigantic mess. It’s supposed to be about “wicked beauty” or… something, and Cyrus appears with this silver half mask plastered over his face and he’s muttering something vaguely “mirror mirror on the wall”-ish and the whole thing is chaos. If Beetlejuice grew a uterus and then had an angry menstrual cycle this is what it would look like. Ugh.

After an unforgivable amount of time, the routine is over. Then it’s all “here are your girls, here are your guys” and we’re at the judges’ table. Adam Shankman is here tonight and he’ll be plugging his new Step Up movie every five seconds. He thinks it’s adorable. It is not.

Lindsay and Cole are first out of the gate tonight and while they get Christopher Scott as a choreographer, he has decided to phone it in this week. You see, Cole is a big nerd and Lindsay is a hot dentist and there you have it. There’s a dentist’s chair center stage that poor Lindsay has to turn around a couple of times – the thing is clearly too heavy for her. Way to sabotage your dancer, Christopher. It’s one of the show’s beloved “character” pieces and it does nothing for either dancer. She hops on the chair a lot while Cole looks nervous and then there are some splits and some kicks aaaaand we’re done.

Cole decides to stay in character while at the judges’ table and even after Adam tells him to cut it out ‘cause it’s weird, he doesn’t stop. (Cole, Cole, come over here for a sec. Don’t do that again. You look like a douche). Nigel wanted Lindsay to connect more with Cole, Mary wants her to “attack” it more and Cole is still being obnoxious by staying in character as a “nerd.” For the love of god, Cat, get these two offstage please!

Ooooh, Amelia and Will are up next with a Sonya routine. It’s set to a spare violin piece so I’m already in love with it. The lighting is dark and sparse as well, and A&W are dressed in muted colors. (PS: A&W - I will now be calling this duo Root Beer.  Get it?) Sonya’s idea is that they are two people carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. There’s all kinds of inventive lifts and it’s clear that these two dancers really connect with and trust each other. In addition each of them is emotionally invested. The crowd goes nuts, Mary yells and screams and when it’s Adam’s turn to critique he gives them a standing O. He praises Amelia’s lines and both Adam and Nigel call them “brilliant.” I do a little dance of joy in my apartment because I’m all about Team Root Beer. (It'll catch on.  Just watch).

After the commercial break Amber and Nick dance the Tango. Uh oh. That’s two ballroom routines in a row for them. I smell trouble. This particular dance is choreographed by a ballroom couple I don’t recognize as having worked on the show before and I can’t spell their names. Hereafter they shall be known as Sabina. That’s it – just the one name for the two of them.

As for the dance itself… there’s no chemistry between them and it seems a bit labored. However, Adam thought it was hot and drools all over Amber while Nigel also praises her, saying she’s “… like a cobra ready to pounce.” He thought Nick was “… very, very strong” and Mary thought they were both just great in a tango she described as being extremely difficult. I’ll give you that the Tango is not an easy dance to get right, but I think the judges may have been watching this piece through rose-colored glasses.

Cutie pies Audrey and Matthew are doing a routine by Sonya in which she says she wants to show their aggressive side. It’s more “classic Sonya” than the softer pieces she’s done so far this season, with lots of bent knees and an edgy, offbeat energy. I think they are at war with each other or something. Whatever the idea behind the routine, I hate the song choice but Matthew is shirtless so that makes up for it.

Nigel: praises their virtuosity compared with last week’s tender piece;

Mary: gives Audrey props for extending each movement to its fullest;

Adam: confesses to being an Audrey “doubter” in the beginning but is now won over by her. He tells Matthew that if he keeps dancing like he has been the competition is his to lose.  Yay, Matthew!

Oh, no. No, this is awful. Poor Janelle and Darien are forced to do lyrical hip hop to “My Girl” by The Temptations. The music choice doesn’t work at all as it clashes horribly with the style. In addition, the routine asks nothing of them as dancers. Quite frankly it's boring which Nigel actually comes right out and says! One of the things that frustrates me about this show is the unspoken rule that one must never criticize the choreography when sometimes it is exactly that which is in need of criticism. So, Bravo Nigel for calling the choreography “uninspiring.” He’s absolutely correct. He keeps going too, saying that Christopher Scott didn’t challenge the dancers and that he doesn’t think people will pick up the phone for that routine (thereby ensuring that people will pick up the phone due to feeling sorry for Janelle/Darien).

Mary is not any more enthusiastic than Nigel calling the routine “sweet” and telling the poor duo that they “did okay.” Talk about damning with faint praise. Sheesh.

Then there’s even more banal choreography as Janaya and Brandon dance a Sean Cheesman Broadway number. They’re on a bench, she tries to pick him up, it's supposed to be funny, blah blah blah. Whatever. It’s boring. But the judges have to say something so Adam calls it “super fun” and gives Janaya kudos for playing up the comedy. Mary and Nigel both thought it was entertaining. I disagree. They did their best in a routine that struck me as pedestrian and lackluster.

Cyrus/Eliana and the jive. Oh, dear.

It’s actually painful to watch. Once again, Eliana dances around Cyrus who just isn’t getting it. He’s got a big smile plastered on his face and I would too if I were an extremely limited dancer still on this show due to my winning personality as opposed to my skill level. Now I’m getting angry about the degree to which he is holding her back.

Mary tears into him noting that the transitions were rough, his footwork was terrible, etc., but pays him a compliment about supporting Eliana in the lifts. Nigel praises the choreography for compensating for Cyrus’ weaknesses – a remark that one really shouldn’t be obliged to make on a DANCING COMPETITION. He goes on to say that Eliana has not yet had a chance to show America just how good she is because of the aforementioned compensating for her partner. Ugh! Then why did you include him in the Top 20 Nigel?! You knew how limited a dancer he was. Yes, he’s adorable and his robot thing is awesome but please, let’s get real. He’s a sweet kid who shouldn’t be on the show.

Daniel and Alexa are not dressed entirely in red pleather this time, thank goodness. In fact, both are wearing FAR less clothing than last week as they dance in and around a bathtub. It’s too bad – this routine. I don’t think those without dance experience can appreciate how difficult a piece this is. Alas, difficult it might be and the two of them execute it with great technique but they are hampered with a prop that gets in their way, as they continuously climb in and out of said tub. Again, they don’t connect emotionally with each other, the routine or the audience. Adam says as much when he comments that it was “beautiful, but chilly” and Mary echoes him, noting that it was well executed but lacked chemistry. Ditto for Nigel.

Now we have a Foxtrot from Tiffany and George who are both cute and forgettable. However, considering that neither of them knows a thing about ballroom I think they do quite well by this number. Not much actual FOXTROT happening but it’s still lovely to watch. The judges go nuts – “it’s a lesson in connecting with your partner” (Nigel); “Tiffany, you were living it up there” (Mary). Good for them. They might be dull as dishwater but they danced that piece well.

For the love of god, Bollywood! Oh, producers! The only time Bollywood was interesting was the very first time you tried it in Season 4 with Katie and Joshua. They killed it! Since then, it’s been an exercise in seeing if the dancers can even get through it. Not to mention that each routine is EXACTLY THE SAME. I get it, you want to showcase dance styles from other cultures and that’s admirable. But can we stop with the Bollywood? You showcased it. A lot. Your work is done.

Anywho… Chehon and Witney do really well. Thank goodness, because B’wood has been the downfall of some very talented dancers. Adam points out that Bollywood makes him happy (so I’m guessing it’s not going anywhere is it?), and that they were both fantastic. He does want Witney to lengthen her neck though. Mary and Nigel are also very happy with the two of them with compliments all around. Huzzah.

Cat calls all the dancers to the stage and things get tense. Three guys and three girls got the lowest number of votes and those dancers are:

Girls: Janaya (not surprised), Alexa (not really surprised) and Witney (surprised!)

Guys: Nick (of course – sorry), Daniel (ugh – he’s so good but so cold) and Chehon (again – surprised by this).

The judges don’t need to see anyone dance again so we have no solos this week. But we still need to make the six of them sweat it out a bit longer and we have to pimp Adam’s movie so we get a preview of Step Up Revolution! Hey, who knew that Mia Michaels and Travis Wall both did choreography for the movie? I like that.

The piece presented on stage is high energy and fun and includes Twitch so I’m happy. Also, Katherine whats-her-name – the one from a couple of seasons ago whose voice gets really high when she cries? She’s the female lead in the movie and I’m not sure she’s much of an actress but she’s a fan-fucking-tastic dancer so… yay!

Also… Twitch is hot. Full stop.

Cat is super excited to see alums from seasons past and adorable sincere hugging takes place.

Drumroll… results!

The judges save Witney and Chehon. Janaya, Alexa, Nick and Daniel are out of the competition. Alexa looks like she’s about to throw up, Janaya doesn’t look the least bit surprised, Nick looks… like Nick, and Daniel is a robot who doesn’t feel emotion. There’s no time for the usual goodbye montage so the four of them huddle center stage under Cat’s protective wings.

Next week only one guy and one girl go home. Who will it be? My money is on Tiffany and George. We’ll see!