I'm at a loss for words

Really.

I want to jump up and down about the whole Rush Limbaugh nonsense, the CNBC/Rick Santelli nonsense, the ridiculous socialism debate that seems to be raging among the political set (I say ridiculous because to charge Obama with socialism is patent, well, nonsense!), and the "feud" that Jim Cramer thinks he's in with Jon Stewart. And yet... I'm just tired. Tired of the noise. The yelling, the name-calling, the bile, the utter lack of civility, manners or judgment. But when I start to write down my feelings about all of this, I begin to rage. I seethe. And all I want to do is call Rush Limbaugh, Rick Santelli and Jim Cramer names. The sandbox is big and I jump right in ready to throw sand in the faces of those I dislike and disagree with, just as they do to the folks whom THEY dislike and with whom THEY disagree.

The result: I contribute to the very opera of rudeness and pettiness and mean-spiritedness that I claim to disdain.

How do I express my own anger and frustration with a sense of proportion? The past few days I've written several posts in my head that end up disappointing me. That disappointment stems not from a lack of confidence in my opinions; after all, they're simply *my* opinions and everyone out there is free to agree or disagree. My dismay results from an inability to express my anger, fear, anxiety, frustration about the state of the world, in a way that is whole, that is -- noble, I guess.

Is that even a reasonable expectation? Can anger ever be noble? Useful, yes. Necessary, sometimes. Unavoidable, absolutely. But noble?

In an effort to articulate my feelings I am left feeling empty. There seems to be no catharsis. The world is in a state of fragility I have never experienced before and never expected to experience. And the voices that are the loudest in this country are bickering, as usual. Bickering. How on earth does that help? Where is the somber, thoughtful conversation we ought to be having? Are we even capable of that? Should we even want that? Or have we gotten to the point where a full scale shouting match is all that's left?

Snarkiness and cleverness are considered an art form. I'm tired of Maureen Dowd's sarcasm. I'm baffled at David Brooks, usually so measured and reasonable (even when I find his philosophy wrong), writing recently that Michelle Obama should never bare her arms! What?! What is going on???

And when I reflect on some of my previous posts, I'm guilty of the very same snarky remarks. Don't I have anything more considered to contribute? True, not every op-ed column need be weighty and profound. There is more than enough time, room, and need for humor and levity. But why is it so often that humor becomes cleverness rather than wit?

I'm not terribly sure what I'm going on about in this post. Perhaps I am reacting to the fact that Obama's election did not usher in a new era of civility. I was naive to think it would. Rush Limbaugh did not, nor will he ever, wake up and think "You know what? I need to make my points in a way that does not demonize or insult. I need to find a new way to express my ideas and concerns." Because Rush Limbaugh, more than anything else, is a carnival barker. And he is attached to his money, his fame and his power. The ability to conduct oneself with grace is not valued any more, if it ever really was.

Sigh.

I'm sad today.

Given all that, I *do* feel that, in the long run, everything will be okay. Is it possible to be an optimist and a pessimist at the same time?

Random Thoughts

LOST. Oh, show! How I love you. Last night's episode was excellent. The way the show illustrates each character's redemption (or lack thereof) on the Island is so moving. I'm deeply invested in this show not only because the sci-fi shenanigans and the myriad mysteries are fun, but mostly due to the emotional thread running through it. Isn't that why we become invested in any story? There must be heart, characters to root for and thoughtful storytelling. This show has all of that in spades. Sawyer has never been my most favorite character; too often he is left with the snarky comment and the growl. But last night showed Sawyer blossoming (never ones to choose names willy-nilly, the writers did provide him with the new last name "LaFleur" meaning flower in French), finally unashamed of his softer side and stepping up to his responsibilities. At the start of the season, the rumors about a possible Juliet-Sawyer romance left me cold, but seeing it come to fruition last night, I'm completely sold. I adore those two together. There seems to be genuine affection and trust between them and I love it! God knows all of the characters on the show have been put through the ringer, but to see this unlikely pair so obviously happy with one another is a real treat. Thanks, show.

Other non-LOST related observations:

1. Why are all of the cable news shows giving Rush Limbaugh so much attention? Granted, it does help the Dems a great deal to remind folks that the Repubs are embracing this dangerous, racist, sexist, hate-filled clown. Nevertheless, the publicity and attention are exactly what he and his ilk (Coulter, Hannity, Malkin), are after. Why keep providing them with coverage? To seem objective? Why would anyone, or any news organization, in the name of objectivity, play into the hands of these despicable people who make fun of Parkinson's sufferers (Rush) or claim that the 9/11 widows deserved to lose their spouses (Coulter)? What on earth is "objective" or "fair" about their comments? To refuse to re-air their remarks in no way violates their First Amendment rights. They can shout all they want on their radio shows -- but don't replay their remarks over and over! That only helps them by disseminating their "message" even further. Stop giving them an additional forum. Stop focusing so relentlessly on your ratings and your bottom line and remember the effect all of this noise has on the public discourse.

2. The gossip magazines are claiming that Rihanna has taken Chris Brown back. I sincerely hope that isn't true. First of all, her safety is at issue. Second, she is looked up to by many young men and women and if it is indeed true that they are back together, this sends a signal to impressionable young people that beating up your lover is acceptable. "Oh, it was just a one-time thing" or "Oh, they're young and immature". Wrong. He BEAT her. He hit her REPEATEDLY. He will do it again. I hope both of them get help.

3. Read Wendell Berry. Be it his novels, essays or poetry -- just read his work.

4. I'm going to go eat a piece of chocolate cake. Peace out, bunny rabbits! Be back soon.