What Happens in Vegas...

... is broadcast for millions of people because this is a reality show after all!

Forgive me, readers, for my lapse in coverage of episodes 3 and 4 of SYTYCD. Here’s what you missed:

•  A lot of good dancers
• Some bad dancers
• Adam Shankman getting emotional (you’ll have plenty more chances to see this throughout the competition; it’s one of the reasons I love him)

 Vegas callback week! Here’s what you missed:

• 181 dancers getting culled down to 35, from which the Top 20 will be chosen.
• Lots of crying.
• Adam Shankman getting emotional (see, I wouldn’t lie to you about that).

I feel guilty for shirking my duties regarding episodes 3/4 (I was feeling a bit under the weather and was out of town helping my father move into a new apartment in 100 degree heat and statewide power outage), so here are more details about Vegas week, which is always one of my favorite episodes of the season. Some dancers featured in the audition episodes sail through, others that seemed like an absolute lock don’t make it through the week.

First some background on how Vegas week works for the uninitiated.

During the first round of competition the finalists do a solo – they can either do the same piece they auditioned with before or a new solo. After that, it’s the choreography rounds: hip hop, Broadway, group dances (the dancers organize themselves into groups, select a piece of music at random and choreograph a routine to it – all after a day’s competition. Being that they are exhausted and doing this into the wee hours of the morning there is usually an emotional breakdown – or six – showcased). Next morning after the group dances, they do more choreography: jazz, ballroom, contemporary and then solos again. They can get cut at any point. It’s a grueling few days and my 39 year old self gets tired just watching them. The poor things, I think to myself. Then I remember that most of them are between 18 and 22, are in phenomenal shape, can kick their legs up to their ears, and my pity vanishes -- quickly replaced by my envy.

You may recall from episode one a certain dancer who gave himself the nickname “the Exorcist.” Further you may remember my disdain for this dancer. No? Oh, in that case, go here. As it turns out, he is first out of the gate in Vegas with his solo. He does his thing and we cut to the judges’ faces in various states of rapture. Debbie Allen is overheard whispering “Why am I crying?” I’ll tell you why, Debbie. BECAUSE HE PLAYED A SAD SONG. You are crying because the song is melancholy and lyrical and Hampton (the exorcist’s real name) has his sad face on. Enough of this bullshit about this guy being a genius (Nigel, he is not a genius and you must stop calling him that).

Once again, for reasons that remain absolutely mysterious to me, the judges ooh and aah over him. Whatever. I give up. They love him.

But then something astonishing happens. The hip hop round begins and as he tries learning the choreography he realizes he can’t do it. “That’s right,” I scream at my TV “Because you can only do ONE thing, which you just showed us during your solo and even that wasn’t very good!” He goes before the judges and tells them that he’s leaving as he can’t do the choreography. They are agog and aghast – surely he must be good at another style – but no, no, Nigel & Co., he is not. The only moment I have remotely liked this young man is when he removes himself from competition knowing that he is in over his head. Seriously, it takes courage, and for that, and that only, I applaud him.

Some other highlights from Vegas:

Two blond ballroom dancers, Whitney (whom I may have to start calling “boobs”) and Lindsay (who we’ll call “legs”) sail through the week. Both have incredible technique and buckets of stage presence.

Ameila (nickname: Edith Piaf - you may remember her from the NYC auditions; if not, read this), is forced to dance for her life after Sonya fails to see what’s special about her in the jazz round. Watching her solo, Sonya finally gets it and even whispers to Nigel that she can’t wait to get her choreographer hands all over her.

Another one forced to dance for her life is a little sexpot who WAY oversells the sex. She calls herself a burlesque/jazz dancer and I see little in the way of actual dance. (If this is the first time you’re reading my recaps I’ll take this moment to tout my own dance bona fides – 12 years of ballet training. Though I would NEVER call myself an expert, I do know a thing or two). During her dance for her life, she wears an oversize man’s shirt that she strips off to reveal teeny, tiny garments, she bites a tie she’s got as a prop, it’s… oh, she’s so misguided, this girl. She actually does have some potential as a dancer but she needs loads more training. Either that, or she should just go be a stripper ‘cause really, that seems closer to her heart. Before leaving, Debbie Allen says to her in as nice a way as possible (and sort of manages the nice part) “Next time, wear more clothing and DANCE.” Listen to Debbie, young lady.

At the end of the episode we are treated to a stunning solo from Cheon, one of this season’s male ballet dancers and he is beauty in motion. His strength is breathtaking, his lines perfect and his pirouettes stop on an actual dime. Did I mention that he’s also gorgeous? If he doesn’t make it to the Top 20 I will hunt Nigel down and punch him in the nuts.

We’re left with 35 dancers. The next episode is a lot of filler and fake outs as the judges choose the Top 20. Nails are being bitten and stress-bowel-movements are being had. And that’s just me! Imagine what the dancers are going through.